9 Responses to “Family Court Minefields: Dirty Tricks Used by High-Conflict People in Custody Disputes and Parallel Parenting, Part 1”


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  1. Frog

    I had the same experience – my ex complained about OFW so much the judge withdrew the order to use it. I now use ReadNotify.com

    Having independent relationships with the school, doctors, etc. is excellent advice. Besides getting the facts (rather than the HCP’s version of reality) they will have an opportunity to experience dealing with both parents, and will likely be an advocate for the rational parent in the inevitable custody evaluation.

  2. kiwihelen

    Hi, wanted to add another thing that is relevant even if you are not using a system like OFW.

    Always pause before hitting send. SO and I had a pretty intense conversation last night…he nearly walked into a situation which the BPDX could have milked for about…oh…10 more years till the youngest is no longer a minor.

    It was a case where he took his eye off the ball and tried responding like she was a normal person.

    We have a rule in our workplace – if the subject might enrage, then get someone else to check it before you hit send. So all emails/letters raising issues that are potentially volitile are read by another to make sure that you have not left any chinks in the armour.

    It is a rule that nons and non-nons need to live by.

  3. Jason

    I’m in need of some advice/wisdom from all you dads out there that would care to help me out. I just got off work and I’m at a loss. I set rules for my ex to only contact me via email. I’m taking her to court to get my child support lowered since I have a medical illness that’s never going away. She decided to pose the question that she would let me off the hook for child support if I’d sign over the rights to my son.

    Before this I was having my lawyer do what she can to get my visitation set up again. The ex, time and time again was setting up barriers to not have to hand him over to me. I don’t know the right way to handle this and my parents just say “she’s evil what do you expect.” Anyways any help at all would be very appreciated. I’m gonna go try and get some sleep, I know she’s going to turn the dial up even more come tomorrow. Thanks.

    • K

      Easy answer. Forget it. Even if she signs something saying you don’t have to pay child support, she can go right back into Court and get it whenever she wants. The Court will not enforce a permanent waiver of child support, because it is presumed to be not in the child’s best interest. So unless you trust her to never return to Court, and why in the world would you, she has suggested you give up rights to your child for nothing. Signing over full custody to her would also be subject to later Court challenge by you, but don’t expect a Judge to be favorably impressed with a parent who would do such a thing. This “offer” can only make your situation worse.

      She is just trying to derail your attempt for mandatory visitation. Stop communicating with her, and work through your lawyer.

      (The only way you can permanently avoid child support obligations is if you give up all rights to your child at the same time your child is adopted — generally by a step-father.)

    • orderinchoas

      I must agree with K. your answer must stand as NO! I had the same card played on me by my wife and her lawyer. when we were fighting for custody, she said to me that if I let her go back to her mothers house with the kids she would agree to a fair child custody order and not seek for child support. well I agreed thinking that the fighting what stop between us….well it didn’t and I can safely tell you that she never keep her word and some months later has took me for child support. little did i know that by law mom’s can at any time file for child support even if there was a stipulation…my advice is to stick this one out and wait for a much better deal. you may even get the child support lowered and not have to give any rights up..I regret ever making that deal and it bites me in the ass every day since!! good luck to you

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