Shrink4Men Radio Embed: The Siren Song of Crazy, Abusive, Toxic Women
Hello Everyone,
Thanks again to Shari Schreiber, M.A. of GettinBetter.com for joining me last night. Thank you to everyone for listening and calling in. I appreciate it.
Next week’s show topic will be Making Friends with your Anger and my guest will be Paul Elam of AVoiceforMen. Hope you can make it!
Here’s the embed of last night’s show for those of you who couldn’t catch it live:
Shrink4Men Coaching and Consulting Services:
Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.
12 Responses to “Shrink4Men Radio Embed: The Siren Song of Crazy, Abusive, Toxic Women”
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Listened to the show at work today. Thanks Dr T for giving Shari an opportunity to come on and thanks Shari for being on and Gettinbetter.com. The part about the show that spoke to me the most was the end session with Paul. I feel obligated to stay in the asylum for the kids. I have a hard time grasping that if I don’t get a favorable custody agreement that I can live with every other weekend and that it is better for the children that way. I feel myself evolving from this positon but its taking your site and my local therapist to really figure this out.
Thanks
That was a really good show and I found Shari’s opinion and perspective to be very interesting. I hope you have her on again sometime.
I’m still not in total agreement with the Freudian analysis that it’s rooted in early childhood bonding, although that may sometimes be the case. In my case, my ex was a pampered privileged princess raised by another pampered privileged princess so I see it more as learning how to have a relationship based on observation of parents. I think there is some basis for this as abusive relationships are often learned behaviors.
I agree, Denis. Sometimes, it’s one of these things or a confluence of all these things.
The man who left a question at the beginning was wondering why the woman he couldn’t get over knew him better than anybody else. The woman was probably psychopathic and that is what they do best. The brighter ones would make excellent shrinks. I am sure some already are. They know people and what they need. It is part of how they survive, get their needs met, have fun and get away with what they need to.
It is a very common phenomena with people who have been in a relationship with a Psychopathic person. I have known many people who had great parents, some problems or horrible childhoods and a lot of them have said the same thing about being in a relationship with a Psychopath. Everybody has some insecurities, needs or wants that these predators can hone in on and they know it. Not being perfect is part of being human no matter how good your parents were.
I am very cautious when blaming someone’s parents because it isn’t the first time the Psycho Dynamic or Psychoanalytical field has done a number and recklessly harmed parents or hurt others for that matter. Competent sciences don’t enter into their picture too often, and when it does it is usually so far off the mark it would be funny if it didn’t destroy some people’s lives.
Hi BE,
Agreed. I tend to think it’s probably an issue going back to childhood if an individual has established a pattern of getting involved with these types over and over and over and over again.
Although, it doesn’t necessarily need to have been a parent perhaps they were tormented and bullied by their peers.
Many people from loving families with “good enough” parents can be unwittingly seduced by a sociopath/emotional predator, but typically don’t stick around for more once the mask slips off. Unless they have kids or other factors that complicate their escape.
People who accidentally eat a poisonous berry, so to speak, and become sick from it typically don’t go back for seconds, thirds and fourths.
I think that was one of your more creepier shows. When dysfunctional people call admitting they’re dysfunctional that’s fine….but when dysfunctional people talk like it’s a badge of honor to be dysfunctional it’s kind of on a different realm of reality. Is it just me?
The call was unsettling as was her lack of boundaries and incoherent navel gazing. “You don’t need to have any boundaries.” Um, yeah right.
I will not take any more of those calls. Doing so this past week went against my better judgment. I was trying to be fair minded, which you absolutely cannot be with these types. As far as I’m concerned, a Borderline calling into a program for people who have been on the receiving end of abuse from other individuals afflicted with the disorder is no better than a child molester calling into to a show for adult sex abuse survivors.
Never again. If any slip through the call screening they will be disconnected. Immediately.
Hope the rest of the show or any of the previous shows weren’t creepy.
Btw, the reason you didn’t hear too much from the self-identified BPD caller is because I made liberal use of the mute button when she tried to talk over Shari and me.
Actually, you probably should throw in one of ‘those’ cluster B types just to validate your point every so often.
agreed. it was good to hear one outside of my ex. chilling, yet liberating, experience.
That caller was interesting because, even after she purportedly recognized and accepted her condition, the blaming continued, her self-recognition didn’t change anything. For me it just affirmed the advice that BPD’s rarely change (without deep core work) and couples therapy is usually a waste of time. They refuse to own anything and the blaming will only increase.
This show revealed/confirmed to me a lot about myself as Shari Schreiber’s description of the FO childhood experiences of those who fall for BPDs (i.e. “Nons”) was so eerily similar to my childhood experience. The courage for a scarred-but-healing Non to affect real affect change, to leave the vestibule of change and move through the door is the challenge. The gentleman (attracted for years to dysfunctional sex goddesses) who called near the end of the show seemed to illustrate this point.