Listen to Shrink4Men Radio Embed: Knights in Need of Rescuing from Dysfunctional Damsels
Hello Everyone,
Thank you to everyone who caught the show live last night. A great big thank you to our callers, Denis, Autumn, Izzey, Sal, Evan, Dan (aka Factory) and Burton (sorry we ran out of time, please call back next week if you can). You were all wonderful.
Thanks also to the folks in the chat room. I wish I could figure out a way to do the show and participate in the chat!
We covered a lot of material last night including parentification of children, hostile dependency, the relationship between professional victims and professional caretakers and why you can’t “save” someone who is determined to be a self-proclaimed and self-imposed “victim.” We talked about being able to admit your own needs and asking for support.
We also touched a little bit on rescuers who rescue rescuers, but ran out of time, again, before I could get into it. Perhaps this should be a topic on its own in an upcoming show.
For those of you who couldn’t listen to the program live, here’s the embed:
The show will be back next Monday night, October 31, 2011 (Halloweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen, spooky) at 9pm EST. Thanks again to everyone for all your support!
Dr T
Shrink4Men Coaching and Consulting Services:
Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.
6 Responses to “Listen to Shrink4Men Radio Embed: Knights in Need of Rescuing from Dysfunctional Damsels”
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Dr T, thanks for this, and thanks for the extended section with Izzy, which gave me some hard things to think on myself.
Got a couple of boundaries to set myself over the next few days.
Hi Helen,
I apologize for my delayed reply. I recently discovered that gmail has been routing many of the website notifications into the spam filter (grr).
Glad to read you found the call with Izzey helpful. Happy boundary setting!
Good broadcast, Dr. T. The insights on the victim role being an illusion, and how they can turn overtly abusive or predatory on you when you disappoint them or tell them no, were very helpful.
Dr. T,
Great job with the internet radio show! I really liked your monologues. I can really relate to much of what you describe. I was a parentified child and I married and recently divorced a professional victim BPD. Your show and past articles have really helped me to understand this very dysfunctional portion of my life. I’m really worried about my teenage son who is also being parentified by my ex-wife. He is very closely aligned with her. He lives in the white world and I live in the black world. There is also a rather severe parental alienation campaign being waged against me. My question for you is what can I do for my parentified son? I’d hate to have him travel a similar path as me and end up eventually hooking up with a crazy like I did.
George
Dr. T,
It amazes me to see how many men have gone through the same issues with women that I have been through and that I am still currently going through with my ex wife. I am forever a caretaker and it’s what I do best is helping others. As a caretaker I live by the motto “Do one to other’s as you would want done to you”. The problem is when married to a professional victim a caretaker never gets back what they give. Which now that I am divorced I can plainly see how this does not work. I ignored all the red flags that were thrown before marriage and continued to love after this woman. She played me like a fiddle, from the beginning and I never realized it until I listened to your internet show on this topic. When I met her she would tell me how she suffers inside from the loss of a man she dated in highschool and how it affects her and she can’t move forward because of it. Well me being the “I’ll help guy”, it made me want her more and more, because I felt I was needed, cause she would tell me how good she made me feel. When we got married is when she did her 360 degree about face. We would argue and she would call me vulgar names and really put me down and make me feel worthless. When I would try to talk to her about the name calling, she would tell me, people say things when they argue and that they don’t mean and tell me I was too emotional. This wa her way of being able to say what she wanted to me and feel ok about saying it, cause we were arguing. I would do projects around the house for the better of the family and look for a little pat on the back, and she would never tell me good job or anything to that nature. Then if I showed off what I did, like build an addition on the home for the new baby, to my family members, she would make fun of me in front of them saying I always have to be told how good my stuff I do is when it is a necessity for me to do these things. The list goes on and on. Bottomline is we have been divorced for 4 yrs now and she still to this day, texts me vulgar things trying to start arguements with me and telling me how bad a father I am because I don’t make myself a bigger part of my childrens lives. I do see my children every other week and love them very much and they love me too. But I can’t pull myself to being in the same environment as her even if it is a childs event. The one time I tried to pull myself past this and got my brother to be my support and go to the school where my son was in a play. She didn’t go with him and I ended up not getting the chance to see it anyway. She did this on purpose, even though she would never admit to it.
I just want to know, am I the crazy one, cause sometimes I sure feel like I am. This woman is making me sick inside and I don’t know how to deal with it.