Music Mondays: Jericho a Song about One Last Tries and the Improbability of Change
Happy Music Monday, Everyone!
I really enjoyed seeing (and then listening to the songs I could track down on YouTube) that many of you posted last week. Thank you!
A quick, off-topic announcement regarding Man Woman Truth Radio — Paul Elam and I will be back next Monday, August 13, 2012 and will post an announcement later this week — and back to Music Monday
This week, I’ve chosen a song, Jericho, by one of my very favorite artists, Rufus Wainwright. The lyrics call to mind the sense of futility, resignation and sense of “now I can wash my hands of you” peace that many of the men and women with whom I work feel once they finally quit trying to reason Crazy. Ultimately, the only person you can change is you.
If you like this song, you may want to have a listen to the rest of Wainwright’s newest disc, Out of the Game. It’s been in constant rotation on my mp3 player all summer. Mark Ronson (Amy Winehouse and Adele — will also produce Paul McCartney’s new work) produced it and it’s just wonderful. I also saw Wainwright perform this summer and he was just incredible. He is one of those rare artists who sounds just as amazing live. Here’s Jericho performed at the Artist’s Den in NYC earlier this summer:
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I keep thinking that you are going to change
I keep thinking that you are going to rearrange
But I’m a fool to think something so impossible
You ain’t ever gonna change
You ain’t ever gonna change
Oh no Jericho
Until I blow
I keep thinking that you are going to rise
I keep thinking that you are going to compromise
But I’m a fool to think something so improbable
You ain’t ever gonna rise
You ain’t ever gonna rise
Oh no Jericho
Until I take you by surprise
Baby I know that you’re too sad to cry
But my little darling guess what? So am I
Still I believe we ought to shed a tear
The open-hearted have no thing to fear
But I don’t even think you hear me at all
Under your medieval ceiling behind your biblical wall
Guess I’ll have to put my trumpet back in the case
And get behind this here canon covered in lace
Covered in lace
I keep thinking that you are going to change
I keep that you are going to rearrange
But I’m a fool to think something so impossible
You ain’t ever gonna change
You ain’t ever gonna change
Oh no Jericho
Until I blow
Until I blow
Shrink4Men Coaching and Consulting Services:
Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.
12 Responses to “Music Mondays: Jericho a Song about One Last Tries and the Improbability of Change”
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I like it!
You can follow it up with another REO Speedwagon classic:
“Time For Me To Fly”
I’ve been around for you – been up and down for you
But, I just can’t get any relief
I’ve swallowed my pride for you – lived and lied for you
But, you still make me feel like a thief
You got me stealing your love away ’cause you never give it
Peeling the years away, and we can’t relive it
Oh, I make you laugh and baby you make me cry
I believe it’s time for me to fly
You said we’d work it out
You said that you had no doubt that deep down we were really in love
Oh, but I’m tired of holding on to a feeling I know is gone
I do believe that I’ve had enough
I’ve had enough of the falseness of a worn out relation
Enough of the jealousy and the intoleration
Oh, I make you laugh and you make me cry
I believe it’s time for me to fly
Time for me to fly
Oh, I’ve got to set myself free
Time for me to fly
That’s just how it’s got to be
I know it hurts to say goodbye, but it’s time for me to fly
(Oh, don’t you know that it’s…)
Time for me to fly
Oh, I’ve got to set myself free
Time for me to fly
Oh, baby, that’s just how it’s got to be
Oh, I know it hurts to say goodbye, but it’s time for me to fly
Fly
It’s time for me to fly
The Wagon!!! This song takes me back
The scary thing is that I liked those songs and related to them at the time. Now, I understand why that was.
Loves me some Wainwrights.
Good one…never thought classic rock or contemporary tunes would relate to the crazies…I grew up on REO – damn I should have listended better to the songs – prophetic!
Keeping in the “now I can wash my hands of you” theme is this great one from Barbara Streisand:
“Someone That I Used To Love”
When I wake up each morning trying to find myself
And if I’m ever the least unsure I always remind myself
Though you’re someone in this world that I’ll always choose to love
From now on you’re only someone that I used to love
As for me it’s getting down to the last unspoken part
When you must begin to ease the pain of a broken heart
Tell me why should I even care if I have to lose your love
From now on you’re only someone that I used to love
I wish it was enough for you, all the love I had to give
And I did my best to keep you satisfied
I guess you’ll never know how much I tried
I really tried
And if ever our paths should cross again
Well, you won’t find me being the one to get lost again
Once I had so much to give but you just refused my love
From now on you’re only someone that I used to love
And I did my best to keep you satisfied
I guess you’ll never know how much I tried
I really tried
When I wake up each morning trying to find myself
And if I’m ever the least unsure I always remind myself
Though you’re someone in this world that I’ll always choose to love
From now on you’re only someone that I used to love
From now on you’re only someone that I used to love
Though you’re someone in this world that I’ll always choose to love
From now on you’re only someone that I used to love
From now on you’re only someone that I used to love
How do you say “no” to a person with BPD. I mean I have tried to say “no” to her but I always cave in after the threats, tantrum and tears.
What would happen if I held firm? Or when she tells me she hates me and wants me to go home – what would happen if I actually left?
Any experiences from anybody?
Please help me out
Hi Nomad,
Thank you for registering with Shrink4Men.
Caving into threats and tantrums renders your “No” meaningless and conveys the message that your boundaries are easily breached if she makes it unpleasant enough for you. Think of the BPD as a 2-year old who will test your limits. “No” means, “push, rage, guilt, pout, tantrum, seduce harder until I get what I want.”
If you hold firm, one of 3 things are likely to happen:
1) She will end the relationship and accuse you of being “controlling,” “mean” and/or “abusive.”
2) Call the cops and accuse you of DV.
3) Pout, tell you you’re mean, but accept your “no” — until tomorrow, the following week or the following hour.
What will happen if you actually leave when she tells you that she hates you and orders you to go home?
One of 3 things are likely to happen:
1) She may accuse you of “abandoning” her, not loving her, etc., while she simultaneously proclaims that she is the “only one fighting for the relationship.”
2) Call the police and accuse you of DV.
3) Start acting really sweet and nice, while pretending that nothing happened in an effort to Hoover you back.
Why are you staying in this relationship? Are their children involved, I mean, aside from your BPD partner?
Hi Dr.Tara,
Thank you for your fast reply. I guess love, or “blind” love is the reason I am still with her. There are no kids involved but she has pointed out recently “you obviously do not plan to marry me” but in a very sarcastic and semi-angry tone. It kind of sounds like she dosnt care about the marriage, instead she only cares if I will ask..It’s kind of scary . Actually I sent you an email on Sunday, to remain safe I will just say that the title of the email was: “Fan from “eastern european country” “.
I think that long email will help you understand the issues I am dealing with.
I guess I am just shocked that there is no treatment for this. How is is it possible that a sweet girl becomes so evil?
“1) She will end the relationship and accuse you of being “controlling,” “mean” and/or “abusive.”
2) Call the cops and accuse you of DV.
3) Pout, tell you you’re mean, but accept your “no” — until tomorrow, the following week or the following hour.”
Check,
Check,
And Check!
To Nomad, you wrote, “How is it possible that a sweet girl becomes so evil?”
The real question should be, “Was she ever sweet to begin with?”…… It is more likely just her well polished act, it’s behavioral camouflage meant to conceal her true “evil” nature.
My 22 year old son was recently home from the Air Force on leave, and I had to finally confess to him that I never truly loved his mother……….I loved the fictional character she portrayed when I first met her. It’s amazing how well these little actresses can stay in their sweet and compassionate “character”, especially when it comes to public consumption, but if you become their significant other, and you spend a lot of time with them, they will grow weary of maintaining the facade, and they’ll revert to their true selves, and friggin’ terrorize you. At first, you’ll just think that hurtful and bewildering incidents are simply aberrations, and you’ll figure that things will soon get back to “normal”, and for a short time they will. But when the awful incidents begin to happen with increasing frequency, you’ll either try to adapt to an unhealthy situation by making yourself believe that “crazy” is the new “normal”, or you’ll let your “flight” instincts take over and flee from the venomous viper that you thought was a just sweet little mouse, and save your life. Unfortunately for me, I’m a fixer, and I incorrectly believed that I could fix something that was hopelessly FUBAR, and in doing so, I got dragged down into her sewer over a twenty year period, never seeming to notice just how bad the stench was getting until I succumbed to the noxious fumes.
Once I escaped and my head began to clear, I began to replay prior events from a much more enlightened perspective, and I can’t help but wonder why I didn’t see things so clearly to begin with, I wonder if love causes the reason centers of the brain to go haywire. Now however, it’s almost as though I found some special glasses that can help me immediately detect these predatory creatures masquerading as humans, sort of like the sunglasses in the Roddy Piper movie “They Live” that allowed the wearer to see the space aliens among us.
Nomad – if she has violent tendencies, saying no could result in severe verbal and/or even physical aggression. It happened in my situation. I always capitulated, and would get my face rubbed in her ‘win’ (‘winning’). The few times I stood up to her and held firm, she would often become instantly enraged ‘how dare I challenge her’.
You have to remember BPDs are on the sociopath spectrum. They are dangerous. Best advice is GTFO – Get The F–k Out.
So many great songs on this topic. This one was especially apropos when the exgf surfaced after several months of No Contact.
“Where Were You When I Needed You?” – The Grass Roots
Don’t bother cryin’, don’t bother crawlin’
It’s all over now, no use in stallin’
The love I once felt, I don’t feel anymore for you
This time I’ll even open the door for you
You walked out when I was down
Well now I’m well off
And look who’s comin’ round
Where were you when I needed you
Where were you when I wanted you
Where were you when I needed you
Where..ere…ere
You’re lookin’ good, it’s hard to fight it
But no use explainin’, I’ve already decided
That livin’ with you, it’s worse than without you
I won’t spend a lifetime a-worryin’ about you
Oh, things got rough and you disappeared
Now I’m back on my feet
But look, look who’s standing there
Where were you when I needed you
Where were you when I wanted you
Where were you when I needed you
Where..ere…ere
Oh, you were so young, and you were so wild
I knew you were nobody’s innocent child
That first day I saw you, you really got to me
I thought I could change you, what good did it do me
Oh, things got rough and you wouldn’t wait
Now you’re tripping back
But babe, it’s too late
Where were you when I needed you
Where were you when I wanted you
Where were you when I needed you
Where..ere…ere