Does your Wife or Ex-Wife Have a Golden Uterus Complex? 15 Characteristics of the Golden Uterus
Are you frustrated with your wife or ex-wife’s attitude of “I AM THE MOTHER; YOU ARE IRRELEVANT” when it comes to raising your shared children? Does she have an over-inflated sense of self because she’s a mother? Does she believe the mere act of giving birth entitles her to special privileges and gives her absolute, unilateral power over you and the children? If so, your wife/ex-wife/mother of your children may be a golden uterus (GU) and suffer from golden uterus complex (GUC).
Golden uterus may seem like a snide term. It is. In some ways, the term is a backlash against a certain kind of woman/mother who believes she is the end-all-be-all just because she procreated, or rather, just because she procreated with you before anyone else had children with you.
You see, GUs only revere their own uteruses and motherhood. They’re dismissive of other mothers and their children; especially if they’re second or third wives. They take pride in the fact that they were the first wives; while ignoring the reality that they were such bad wives that their husbands divorced them.
Golden uteruses, despite the sense of superiority and entitlement they derive from the title “mother,” are typically lousy parents if not downright abusive parents. GUs are often the high-conflict, abusive personality-disordered parental alienators. They are the women who expect others, including their own children, to sacrifice everything at the altars they erect to themselves. Golden uteruses lay golden eggs (children) and milk their motherhood, the children and you for all you’re worth.
Here are some characteristics of the golden uterus mom:
1. GU and child are one and the same. The golden uterus child isn’t allowed to have his or her own feelings and opinions. If mommy is sad, then child must be sad. If mommy is mad, then child must be mad. If mommy hates daddy and his new wife; then child must hate daddy and his new wife. If mommy has been “wronged;” then child has been wronged.
The golden uterus believes that her best interests and the child’s best interests are synonymous. There is no “you” and “I.” The golden uterus and child are “we.” It’s a crippling symbiosis for the child in that the golden uterus feeds off of her own child to feel important, powerful and special.
2. GU and child are a two-fer. If you want to have your child in your life after you separate or divorce, the GU believes she’s a part of some twisted package deal. A golden uterus doesn’t understand (or refuses to acknowledge) that you can love and have an independent relationship with the children without her in the middle of it. GUs will try to impose themselves into your individual relationships with the children and any new romantic relationships. However, if GU dates and remarries, it’s none of your damn business.
The GU is allowed to move on with her life. You’re expected to remain on ice, poised to mobilize whenever she demands something. When the GU child wants or needs something, you’re expected to drop everything to do the GU’s child’s bidding.
3. Disobedience is abuse to the golden uterus. If the children, father/husband/ex-husband doesn’t heed her demands, the GU perceives it as abuse. If you don’t parent the same way the GU parents (or mis-parents); you’re a bad parent. If you challenge the GU’s decisions, she’ll punish you by denying you access to the kids or taking you to court. “A GU believes that because she gave birth, she has exclusive rights to all decision-making related to said child, no matter what anyone else (including the courts or the father) say” (anonymous source).
This applies to the children, too. If they disobey mom or have the temerity to have their own feelings and opinions (you know, what childhood experts call healthy childhood development) that differ from the GU’s feelings and opinions, it’s an act of high treason. There are consequences for this. The children of GUs learn very early in life what side their bread is buttered. This is what makes PAS possible.
4. GU exceptionalism. Even though humans have been procreating since human history began, the GU believes her pregnancy and childbirth are the most special pregnancy and childbirth ever. Most women will tell you that their pregnancy and the birth of their child was one of the most special events in their lives. They don’t expect it to be the most special event in everyone else’s lives.
Furthermore, should you remarry and have children with your new wife, the GU believes that she and the child(ren) you share with her should take precedence over your current relationship and any new offspring. The GU believes she should always come first and, by association with her, the child you share.
For example, let’s say the child you share is an adult, but you’re still obligated to pay your ex, an adult, spousal support. You remarry and have a child with a medical issue. The GU believes her spousal support should be your first priority instead of paying for the second child’s medical expenses. Twistedly enough, many family courts would support this pathological entitlement and adult dependency. As a retired judge-mediator recently told one of my clients during his divorce settlement: “You have two children. One is 16 and the other is 54 and you’re responsible for both of them because you choose to live in a patriarchal state.” This was a female judge, by the way.
5. Boundaries are for everyone else; boundaries don’t apply to the GU. No boundaries. Bupkis. You must respect the GU’s boundaries, but you’re not allowed to have any boundaries. If you have healthy boundaries, the GU will accuse you of being controlling, withholding, abusive, unresponsive and, naturally, a bad dad.
6. All other child caregivers are irrelevant. Fathers are walking ATMs. A father’s role is to financially and emotionally support the mother (i.e., be her emotional punching bag/doormat and listen to her complain about how hard it is to be a mother). That’s it. Fathers get no real input into how the children are raised.
Step-mothers are less than non-entities. They are to act as servants to the children during visitation and are less than handmaidens to the golden uterus. Step-mothers/girlfriends are intruders and are treated as such. Extended paternal family members are to act as a subservient support system to the GU, that is, if she allows them to have any access to the kids. Extended paternal family members are also expected to side with the GU over their own flesh and blood and to dispense cash for the GU’s children’s “needs.”
7. Once you have sex with a GU, she owns you for life. The golden uterus believes that if she gave birth to your children, you are “connected for life.” She should always come first (even if you’ve both remarried) and YOU OWE HER until death you do part.
This also applies to the children. GUs wield guilt over their children with staggering virtuosity. “I am your mother. I carried you for 9 months. No one will ever love you like I do. No one will ever break our bond. No one will ever come between us. I CARRIED you in my WOMB for NINE months. YOU can NEVER do that for me.”
When the children become adults, the GU still believes she should come first in her adult children’s lives and take precedence over their spouses and children. A GU’s children owe her because she is their mother. This is just so sick and twisted. Unlike an ex-husband who can break free of this death grip; many GU kids are indoctrinated into the GU’s warped belief system and it’s extremely difficult for them to break free. If they reject the GU’s distorted belief system and abuses, they’re treated like public enemy number one and may even be disowned by the GU, which wouldn’t necessarily be such a bad thing. Nevertheless, it’s terrifying for many children and adult children to contemplate.
This is a perversion of parenthood. These are often the women who get pregnant so that they’ll have “someone who’ll love [me] unconditionally.” They fail to understand that it’s the parent who’s supposed to meet the child’s love and safety needs and not the other way around.
8. GUs like to take kissy duck face make-out photos with their children. Facebook addicted GUs like to post kissy-duck face-make-out photos with their child(ren). It’s rather like manic, digital age pietas. “Look at meeee and my child who loves meeee! See! We’re so close we’re more like best friennnnnds!” Boundaries, shmoundaries.
These photos are similar in nature to the photos drunken college girls take of themselves with their arms wrapped around each other and their faces pressed together. Whenever I see a photo of a mother with her child in a lip lock-bear hug with a Joker smile, I think: ENMESHED GU.
9. Golden uterus mothers are feeeeeeelers. The golden uterus believes that her emotions are reason enough for any action, no matter how despicable. In fact, the GU’s feelings often trump what’s really in the child’s best interests.
For example, “I’m angry with your father” means the children are denied access to their father. Cutting the other parent out of a child’s life is rarely in the child’s best interests. However, the GU is feeeeeeling angry, wronged, ignored, disrespected, challenged, etc., so that becomes her justification to attack and/or punish others—even if her actions violate a court order.
10. Once the GU gives birth, her “job” is done. “GUs believe that simply birthing a child is all they’re responsible for as a contribution to the parenting, raising and welfare of their child. From the moment the child emerges from her hallowed trough, it is solely on the father to provide all for both her and the child” (anonymous source).
Once a GU gives birth, she has her own little foot soldier to weaponize and use as a control device over the child’s father and family. This is when many of these women choose not to return to work. By giving birth, the GU essentially has her husband over a barrel. She knows it and she uses it.
11. Children are possessions; not their own persons. “The GU views the child as her possession. The GU will take all the kudos for birthing a child, but none of the responsibility. If someone tries to point out the discrepancies, the GU will will heave out emotional garbage to cover up their horrible parenting. The GU only views the child in context to herself. Everything is about her” (anonymous source).
12. The GU uses motherhood as an excuse. “Becoming a ‘mother’ is the GU’s excuse for EVERYTHING. She can’t work because ‘mothers don’t work.’ My husband HAS to give her all of his money because she’s the mother of his ONLY child. She lost all identity as a woman and used becoming a mother as her free ride in life” (anonymous source).
Even after their children are in school full-time, GUs still use the kids and being a mother as an excuse not to work outside the home and often not to work inside the home. “You have no idea how stressful it is being a mom.” Um, the kids are in school all day. What do you do with your time? “You always minimize all the hard work I do. YOU HAVE NO IDEA.” Um, the breakfast dishes are still in the sink when I get home from work in the evening. The laundry is piled up and the kids haven’t done their homework. What did you do all day? “HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT ME. I’m THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN!”
13. GUs are self-appointed parenting experts. Despite the fact that her parenting behaviors should be used as an example in How NOT to Parent 101, “the golden uterus believes that having birthed a child makes them better and more knowledgeable than others; e.g., the “Well you don’t have kids so how would you know anything?” woman (anonymous source). If you should dare challenge the GU’s parenting skills and superior authority, see number 3 above.
14. Motherhood is a title and a power trip. “The golden uterus views mothering as a title rather than a relationship and a set of behaviors. Mothering requires selflessness at times. It requires sacrifice at times. It requires paying attention to the child and putting your time and energy into meeting their needs, which also requires seeing the child as a unique and separate individual from yourself, not a mirror of your own thoughts, feelings, and needs. A golden uterus mother fails at mothering and instead uses her title to extort things from others ‘in the name of the child.’ Essentially, they use their offspring as a way to get their own needs met” (anonymous source).
15. The GU is never wrong. “The golden uterus seems to expect that they get a total free pass on accountability for their own behavior. I have often told my husband that his ex lives on a one way street paved in double standards. Her own bad behavior is to be overlooked. Yet she will attempt to crucify him for any and all perceived weaknesses or ‘failures.’ She is judge and jury and quick to condemn my husband (and me, for that matter) yet she can do no wrong” (anonymous source).
What can you do if the mother of your children has a golden uterus complex?
There’s nothing you can do to change her. Nothing. She’s highly unlikely to see the light and morph into a reasonable human being and good mother. Your goal, as with all high-conflict abusive types, should be containment. You accomplish containment through establishing iron-clad boundaries. Learn to say no and then practice deafening your ears to the caterwauling.
Don’t let her use your children as an extortion mechanism. Don’t allow the children to view you as a human ATM machine. In other words, don’t reward your children’s bad behavior with money, gifts, trips and other goodies, otherwise, they will view you the same way that their mother does. I know many fathers are desperate for time with their children and use toys and expensive entertainment as bait. Trust me, this is not the relationship you want with your children. It’s a quick path to time with them, but it’s an unhealthy and impermanent one.
Decide exactly how much bad behavior you’re willing to to tolerate from your ex and what offenses you want to pursue in court. Forget about co-parenting with a GU; it’s next to impossible. You will be less frustrated if you try to parallel parent. A GU will undermine you at nearly every turn. Expect it and plan for it.
Don’t put your current wife/girlfriend in the middle and don’t tolerate your ex or your children disrespecting her. Demand respect for yourself and your loved ones. If your ex and the kids violate these boundaries, find appropriate consequences for their violations.
Finally, don’t drink the golden uterus’ kool-aid. The fact that you once had a relationship with her/share a child does not bind you together for life. Just because she wants this to be the truth doesn’t make it so. Just because your ex has chosen to define herself by a failed relationship and 36 hours in a delivery room doesn’t mean you have to do the same. GUs are legends in their own minds and their own worst enemies. Minimize contact and try to foster healthy boundaries, values and senses of self in your children during the time you have them and hope it sticks.
Shrink4Men Coaching and Consulting Services:
Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.
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74 Responses to “Does your Wife or Ex-Wife Have a Golden Uterus Complex? 15 Characteristics of the Golden Uterus”
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Great article. It basically spells out the person my husband used to be married to. Only in her case, she took a job and forced victim #3 to stay home with the kids while they lived off my husband’s overly generous child support.
The US seriously needs to overhaul its child/spousal support laws.
Amen to that.
LOVE this article. If only a GU would read this and then think we are talking about them!
I think a GU wouldn’t get past the first few sentences before she began to defend her position by explaining why she, the mother, is the most important person in her child’s life and why she, better than anyone else, knows what is best for the child. Blurgh.
The information I provide isn’t for the people who need it the most. It’s for the people who have been hurt by the the people who need this information the most.
Dr. Palmatier is correct. As is true is so many facets of life, the person who needs to hear and need to address personal issues will not do so. in the arena of families and the extent to which our States through their laws control parents and their children, with the help of professionals such as Dr. Palmatier, we must get the laws changed and/or get the judicial process changed. Educating the decision makers (legislators and judges) and correcting the abilities of the GU and others to use the system to perpetuate (the misuse of) the power given to the GU. Just as our nation once believed tobacco was safe, we must educate everyone so that they “get it” when it comes to our families that are being hurt and the GU’s that are being enabled by the laws, the judges and so-called “supportive” family and friends. Thanks, Dr. Palmatier for educating your followers/listeners. Now, if each of us would spread the knowledge!
From “Ally McBeal:”
John “The Biscuit” Cage: Love. We all want it. Don’t all get it. I remember telling my mother in high school I wanted to wait for the perfect girl. And she replied, “Idiot! Even if you found her, she might be holding out for the perfect man.” She also said I wouldn’t recognize love unless it bonked me on the head. And I retorted, “Well, why don’t you come along with me, mom, and if you see love, you hit me on the head so I’ll know.” It was difficult as a young man taking my mother on dates….”
I liked that show.
I liked that show, too. At least the first few seasons before it jumped the shark. Lucky us, it’s available to live stream on Netflix.
Loved the Biscuit and his law partner who likes neck waddle.
This makes me think of a song by “Garfunkel and Oates” called “Pregnant Women are Smug”! Yes, the song is as funny as the name of the duo! Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJRzBpFjJS8
Thanks for posting that link! That song is hilarious!
Dr. T,
Sadly, I married a BPD GU and have a teenage son. I hit my breaking point and I am presently going through a divorce. It’s been going on for almost two years but should be complete soon. My soon to be ex-wife GU fits the bill on your check list in your article. I’m always amazed as to how well you can hit the bulls eye in describing my ex-wife BPD GU. With my son, I’m also the targeted parent of a pretty severe parental alienation campaign. So with BPD, GU, and PAS, I find it interesting how my life has become full of acronymns which describe the various flavors of crazy in my life! A couple of the topics you mentioned that I do have a few questions about was when you mentioned not to let your children use you as an ATM and not to reward their bad behavior. I have a teenage son who is thoroughly programmed and the weapon of choice of my ex. By the way, I am kind of amazed how effective and how fast that can happen. My son’s psychologist has advised me to be the “fun Dad”. He would like me to be a “pull” rather than a “push” for my son. So I’m pretty indulgent when dealing with my son. I’ve also been advise not to provide any discipline or do any real parenting. I used to be the parent to a 13 and 48 year old similar to the comment by the retired judge in your article. Since my son has been well programmed at this point in time, his bad behaviors (rewarded by my ex)are pretty much on auto-pilot. So how do you not reward the bad behaviors and not be an ATM while being the “fun Dad” and being the targeted parent? By the way, I do realize that some of my son’s bad behaviors are just teen bad behaviors and others are more influenced by my ex. It’s sometimes easy to pick those out when my son does something or says something which is almost word for word that my ex would say but he previously would never say.
Hi George,
I respectfully disagree with your therapist. Yes, you want to be perceived as the kind, fun-loving parent, but not to the point where you become a doormat/ATM. You can do fun things that don’t cost a lot of money.
Also, I don’t think you should overlook bad behavior. Ever. If he acts out, you say, “Because of your behavior, instead of going hiking/fishing/shooting hoops/playing a video game, you’re going to help with yard work/clean out the garage.” Someone has to give him the message that bad and abusive behavior is unacceptable. He’s certainly not going to get that from his mother.
Best,
Dr T
Hi george. I aslo have a teenage son and split up recently. Do you find having a shrink helps your sone to cope with the situation? I was thinking about getting him one, but shrinks are costly.
I am married to a man with 3 children and a BPDex, and the children are with us half-time. They enjoy plenty of chaos and no structure with their mother, which for children, probably seems like fun and entertainment. There is always plenty of candy or junk food, lots of meals on the road or in the car, and plenty of parties and sleepovers. There are also piles of laundry, beds with no sheets, dirty dishes, animal waste, out-of-control spending, etc… At our house we have plenty of structure, published rules, family meetings, meals at home, defined bedtimes, and regulated spending. Do they sometimes complain that they are bored? yes. Do they sometimes suggest that they have more fun at their mom’s? yes. Do they benefit from parenting and structure and solid expectations? yes. Do they have access to clean clothes that are neatly folded so that they can get dressed and be ready for school, thereby minimizing tears and drama first thing in the morning? yes. Do we treat meals out and weekend outings after chores are complete as special events and not entitlements? yes. Do we deliver clear and natural consequences for poor choices? we try our best.
Are we perfect? no. Is our life easy? not always. Are we trying to prepare them for independence and adulthood? yes. Does it seem to be effective? In the big scheme of things, yes.
Your son will benefit from your role as a FATHER, not as a friend, and not as an ATM. He will benefit from the lessons that prepare him to function as an independent adult, which includes learning the difference between wants and needs, work and play, and self absorption vs. self awareness. Teach him to be accountable for his actions, and give him clear consequences when he makes poor choices. Trust me, if you are consistent and provide open communication, he will thrive in a more structured environment with clear expectations. He will rely on you as a father and a role model, and even if he gives you the teenage attitude, at some point in his life he will return and thank you.
While mother-figure hits at least half of those if not more, the part of the article that made me halt:
“When the children become adults, the GU still believes she should come first in her adult children’s lives and take precedence over their spouses and children. A GU’s children owe her because she is their mother. … many GU kids are indoctrinated into the GU’s warped belief system and it’s extremely difficult for them to break free. If they reject the GU’s distorted belief system and abuses, they’re treated like public enemy number one…”
Yes and yes. Ugh!! I took psychology and sociology classes in colleged, and did my best to point out that we are a dysfunctional family in need of help. All that did was putting me even further down the proverbial totem pole (under the dog and cat).
I have long since (3 yrs) given up trying to gain her acceptance or approval. She’s been trying to be all nice and ‘hook’ me back again. She asks all sorts of intrusive questions, and if I lay down boundaries (i.e. not answer every bloody minutiae to her satisfaction), she acts like I’m being cruel somehow.
So…what has she been doing now? She has convinced my siblings that I have been abusing her!
Years ago, when she was crybabying about how my dad was treating her, we were on the phone, and I was trying to build her back up, saying positive, affirming things. She was crying. Years after that, my sister told me that I had been saying cruel things to my mother over the phone, because she had been crying. Did mother correct her? hell no! What fun would that be?
So now she has all the others convinced that I’m a cold-hearted b****. That is what is driving me crazy these days. My give-a-damn is busted as far as she is concerned. But now, my siblings all treat me like I’m a liar and abuser????
That’s just too much.
I called my brother up after MF called me to basically brag about beating up his 5 year old son, to warn him. He responded basically, “um..yeah…that’s nice.” (paraphrased).
I don’t know if it is worth it to even try to work on my relationship with them. They are all convinced that she is a victim (b/c she told all of us about dad cheating on her…).
She’s no victim.
It sucks and it hurts. Not sure what do to about it.
Hi TGI,
Unfortunately, you probably have to keep your distance from your other family members. Any system works hard to maintain the status quo—especially sick systems. When one family member seeks wellness, the other family members will mock, ridicule, call you abusive or accuse you of thinking you’re better than them in an effort to keep you stuck in the dysfunction with them. In this case, being “kicked off the island” is a good thing.
Guess what. When your mother doesn’t have you as a target anymore, she’ll probably target one of your siblings. Then maybe they’ll understand why you’ve set boundaries. It’s not easy and can be painful, but sometimes limiting contact with your family is the healthiest choice you can make.
Kind Regards,
Dr T
Good point Dr. T. This is also referred to as “crab pot syndrome.” I hope you explore this more in future articles. This happens in family and social circles…this was the most evident in my own life when I lost about 60 pounds from my own work of exercising, eating better, and honoring my spirit and mental health. It was met by friends and family with what you just said, mocking, ridicule, accusations, and other emotionally abusive tactics. To the point I was accused of being a “crack addict with AIDS.” Amazing isn’t it?
I gained the 60 pounds back, went back to emotional eating, smoking and ended up back in the city I’m from, after I worked so hard to get out…and I’m right back in the pot. It’s really a sucky phenomenon.
Another example…being a gay male and while spending time with others in the gay community, and I say “community” lightly, I found that the mention of wanting a family and kids goes over like a lead balloon, not much emotional support, or validation, for what I want in life. The same can apply to my own family (mother and older sister), they run a script in their head that I’m lazy, a slob and don’t pay back money, none of which is entirely true, although they take one isolated incident, invalidate the positive aspects of me, and blow it completely out of context, and their ridicule for that never stops. It’s how I’m thought of and talked about behind my back, even though I have 4-times the education they do, have lived and thrived in large cities and work in a creative profession. I’ve been good and generous to friends, and I have paid back every debt I’ve had, albeit slowly with creditors and student loans, but nonetheless I did it…and that gets dismissed, it’s maddening.
I tend to attract man-haters, mean girls, PDs and people who abandon. I realize it’s my problem, that I’m the only one that can see it for what is, but I tend to relapse into old decision making patterns.
Long enough…thank you again for the article…G.
Thanks for your reply, Dr. T…I wish I didn’t have to go that route, but I think you are right.
I could live the rest of my life without seeing ‘her’ but I hurt at the thought of ‘leaving behind’ the nieces and nephews, and of my own children being without their cousins.
Truth be told, I’ve been ‘planning’ to exclude them from my life for years…
damn.
Dr. T makes some excellent points in her response to you. It’s also possible your siblings are aware that you’re being scapegoated. And they accept it and participate because it keeps the heat off of them. I’ve seen this at workplaces where people will join in so they won’t become a target.
Also, as those of us who actually make the effort to heal and get healthier after growing up in sick family systems know, it’s not easy. It’s hard work and it can be painful. I still think it’s preferrable to spending one’s whole life sick, but some people don’t see it that way. As long as they can lash out at you, then they can hide from how sick things are and not have to do the difficult and challenging work of making the changes.
As my mother’s scapegoat, I used to be jealous of my golden child bro, but he’s far more messed up in many ways than I am precisely because he has no awareness of how FUBAR the family situation is.
I hear ya on how the worst part of it is how it affects other relationships. I’m going on 2 years now with my estrangement from my mom & bro/SIL and I’ve never met my niece who was born during that time.
I think a big part of the problem is how they act in public vs. private. And even when there are witnesses to the rages/meltdowns, many of them are enablers/apologists of the Cluster B, so it doesn’t do the non who is being made a target any good anyway.
One thing I’ve found to help is creating a family of choice from friends and saner extended family (though there have been tensions there too because of my mother’s smear techniques). I also blog about it to let off steam.
PS, the first year was mostly relief. There was more sadness this 2nd year, but I seem to be turning a corner on that. I’m finally starting to get some sense of acceptance/peace. So if you decide to go NC with your family, it will be tough, but it will eventually get easier. Just takes time.
Another great article. Even before we were divorced she would use my son against me. A really awesome example is when she broke my boundaries between her and the ex. She asked me if it was ok that the ex bring my son’s half brothers and sisters to the hospital. I said sure….they all took turns holding him, she bails out of bed, scoops him up, and takes him over to the ex. Total violation of my boundaries but how dare I get angry…”I just gave birth to your son not 24 hours ago…..now LEAVE this hospital RIGHT NOW or I’m calling the cops!!!”
Now I have to fight to get my visitation because “momma knows best.”
Hi Jason,
I agree. Definitely a violation of boundaries.
Good luck with your custody case. Some people should just not be parents.
Best,
Dr T
Ah, truer words were never written/spoken, Dr. Palmatier. Some people just are not equipped to be parents lacking the minimal patience and focus necessary to do so. In your article, above, the description of the GU equating her best interests with that of the child (children) is all too true. I favor legislation that, in cases where both parents are fit, the parent who moves away from the other parent loses custody because that act of moving away is, alone, reflective of the minimization of the other parent and of the notion that the child will “do fine” within infrequent visits (or the other parent must move). Our laws enable parents and allow moves as if “what is good for the moving parent” is good for the child. Yes, the argument can be made that a job transfer or family support makes it “necessary to move,” but that is just an excuse. In the context away from custody issues, I recall a fine family man who declined promotions in his company because to take the promotion would require moving to the company’s national home office in another state and he would not move his family (he was married with 3 children) from their home, their friends, extended family, their schools and their lifestyle. He made his decision based on what was right for his family, not was better for him. Now, THAT is parenting (putting your children first in practice, not just in words). Indeed, in my role as a GAL, I would hear parents exhort how much they LOVE their children, but then they would not DO the things loving parents do such as express their love through words and affection, through providing nutritious meals, through helping with homework, through protecting them from harm, through being with them and paying attention to their needs, through ceasing smoking so as not to expose them to 2nd hand smoke, etc. “Some people should just not be parents.” Well-said.
Nice article. It’s like they read from a common script.
I’d love to see Golden Uterus Complex in the DSM!
Let’s get parental alienation syndrome in there first.
“Even after their children are in school full-time, GUs still use the kids and being a mother as an excuse not to work outside the home and often not to work inside the home. ‘You have no idea how stressful it is being a mom.’ Um, the kids are in school all day. What do you do with your time? ‘You always minimize all the hard work I do. YOU HAVE NO IDEA.’ Um, the breakfast dishes are still in the sink when I get home from work in the evening. The laundry is piled up and the kids haven’t done their homework. What did you do all day? ‘HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT ME. I’m THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN!’”
Wow, it’s as if you lived with my ex. That’s like a three-fer.
I feel like my husband and I could’ve written this and many of the other material on this site! I had no idea that so many people deal with this. How do you put up with it day after day???? How is it so EASY for the Golden Uterus to be a terrible mother in private but when you try to go to court somehow every thing she does just gets explained away and the best a father can get is 50/50 custody??? Our Golden Uterus, my husband’s ex, actually left the child unsupervised and ran off with her boyfriend day after day and the school noticed. But when we got to court, everyone was soooo impressed with how she “straightened up” and was suddenly Mother of the Year that now NOBODY is on our side. She has tried to get my husband arrested, filed Children’s Division Reports over ridiculous things, anything she can think of to take the blame off her, and nobody cares. Its disgusting.